I’ve always thought of being single as “lady in waiting.” My single friends and I – we sit around the table talking about the man drought, and how there is a severe lack of genuine, responsible men left on the planet. I often get panic attacks, wondering when I will ever find the man and will this “waiting” ever end. I felt like I was stuck, and the only way to get un-stuck was to meet someone.
I guess I never thought of single life any other way because of… well… who can I blame? Society? Social pressure? Married friends? Actually, who’s fault is it?
No one. It occurred to me over the weekend spent in silence. No one is to blame because I am single. It’s not a fault. I read something about how being single is either a choice or a circumstance. You can choose to be single or you can happen to be single because of the circumstances in your life. I don’t choose to be single, I happen to be. And as much as we try to control it, the fact is, we have no power at all in deciding whether or not people will fall in love with us. I honestly believe that you cannot “make someone love you.” You can certainly make yourself more attractive and appeal to their interest but ultimately, they decide if they want to be with you. Same goes for us women. Men can look charming, pay for dates, drop the best lines but we make the choice whether or not we reply to that text or go along for a second date. Works both ways. We can only be our best self and live our best life. Ultimately, it’s a person’s choice whether or not they want to be with another person. I find that women, in particular, spend countless hours analyzing and trying to work out men, trying to take control of situations we know we have no control over whatsoever.
It also occurred to me in my time of silence, that being single isn’t “waiting”. Being single is not being “stuck.” I don’t know what on earth put that silly thought into my head. Single life is a time where your gifts can be given wholly to humanity. Because there is no obligation toward a significant other, I can devout 100% of my time and energy towards others. It’s just a different perspective really. When you have a partner, you share your life with him/her. When you are single, you share yourself with the world. Your talents, gifts, laughter etc. You’re not stuck, or in limbo. You’re not worthless. You have so much to give and why waste it? Why keep your gifts to yourself, waiting for a significant other to come by when there’s so many out there in need? It is a chance to give our complete self to those who need it, because when a significant other comes along, everything changes. Until then, why waste your time sitting around trying to control matters beyond your reach? Are you not significant just because you have no plus 1?
We never know when this world will end. Whether we like it or not, some of us may only have months, weeks or even days to live. Every minute is a gift. You and I are in a particular place, in a particular moment, living a particular life for a purpose. And if that purpose happens to be single, then live it! I know for a fact that if I only have a limited amount of time left in this world, having a boyfriend wouldn’t be a priority at all. I would travel, return to London, return to Munich, return to Budapest. I will stalk Chris Martin to my hearts content, and eat junk food without worrying about my health. God did not create us only to wait on a significant other. He created us to be significant!